Who knows? Only God knows
“Then He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost. He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.” — Revelations 21:6–7
Those who know me well would know what happened to me that fateful day, a month just before Christmas 2019, where I went through the most dramatic episodes in my life, to date. If my life would’ve converted into a long-running soap, this is probably the one they will show at the end of a long season…the pivotal climax, the pinnacle and opener for the next season or next phase…
It is an episode which I reflect back, to learn from, to cry from and most importantly to be grateful for. Why did God gave me the “Lazarus miracle”, where He literally breathe life again into my dying husband?
Why did He choose to respond to prayers from someone who hasn’t even been faithful in church attendance, or whom has even walked away from Him?
Just as how He healed the crippled woman (Luke 13) or how He lifted up the paralyzed man by the Pool of Bethesda to walk again (John 5), He healed even without them asking, praying and fasting.
For others, in fact a lot of us, may have never experienced that kind of dramatic miracle, despite fervent prayers, dedicated fasting and disciplined church attendance. A lot of times, even in my own prayers there are also those where God is simply silent or responded with a ‘no’.
I have no answer to those questions….perhaps that one fine day when I’m reunited with Jesus, He will be patiently explaining to me the answer to these mysteries.
But what I do know, there are also a lot of answered prayers in my life and others..those seemingly minor things that we thought was enabled with our own pride. A stable job, a safe dwelling, even oxygen to sustain us….all those not-really-little things that we choose take for granted. If we really look carefully and search within our hearts, there are too many answered prayers…too many in that list that you and I need to be thankful for.
I have learned through my own experiences, not to grab God by the collar and demand an answer to anything and everything. By doing that, I was just allowing the enemy to inject his poisonous pride in me; that an answered prayer is always justified. That I’m like a disgruntled customer who demanded the chef’s explanation why my steak isn’t cooked the way I want it to be.
As He resisted my pride, I learnt to yield and just to surrender to the beauty of His higher ways, which are not my ways. I learned to still pursue the default response of going to Him in prayer. But rather than demanding, I acknowledge and magnify His greatness and sovereignty in His every response and outcome. I learnt the meaning of it is not my will, but His be done. Whenever I’m tempted to search for answers, I reminded myself again of the frailty of human efforts, of human life. That what I find today, may be taken from me within the next few seconds. What I do not have before, which I did not even ask for, at least even expect to have, many times He has surprised me with the most pleasant surprise. The faithful clock which has consistently ticking and keeping track of time without a miss may suddenly just fail. What has not worked before for many many years may suddenly function again without human intervention.
So yeah, life is really full of infinite mysteries which no one can explain or even barely scratch its surface.
But what I do know is who is the source of Life, the Alpha and Omega, the one who holds the keys of the beginning and the end. What I do know is I can come to Him, in all of life’s seasons, storms and challenges. I may not have an answer or a solution, but just resting in His assurance is sufficient.
