Mountains of brokenness
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”- Psalm 34:18
A few days ago, I had the privilege to join the prayer warriors in my church for a weekend intercessory session. Being a first-timer, I was awestruck and fascinated by the energy, the fire of it, while at the same time, humbled that God came down at our level, to relate to us, to affirm us, to comfort us.
For every prayer point that we were interceding for, it was like God pouring out all my thoughts and groanings into the very pages of the prayer notes. Indeed I serve a God who never fails to amaze me!
Interestingly, I was told that there is a different ‘mountain’ we’re praying for every week. Indeed, we are called to have mountain-moving faith and prayers, but what if when we felt we have already poured our hearts, our minds and soul into hours of prayers, of surrendering, of unending hope and expectancy, but we felt the mountain hasn’t really moved? In fact, nothing happens and instead of moving mountains, there are more mountains, more rough valleys and terrains in the way?
As C.S Lewis puts it plainly in ‘A Grief Observed’ :
“For in grief nothing “stays put.” One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?
But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?”
Over years of navigating the valleys myself, I learned that fact for the mountains I prayed for, either for selfish needs or for other people around me.
There are not many times when God just snapped His fingers and the mountains just crumbled. In fact, there are also times when things just spiral downward…
When that friend with depression issues, who still cling on into thoughts of unworthiness, who goes back to the same cyclical destructive relationship, even though you think she knows very well the all-saving power of Christ to heal her, and you’ve been faithfully imparting Scripture to her in hopes to bring her back to that right path?
When your parents are even further away from God with failing health, despite your prayers for their salvation and for their health?
When as your celebrate another year of birthday, another year of New Years, Christmases, deep inside your heart you know it’s one year further from your dream?
When you’ve been praying for a fairy-tale marriage with a spouse who pores over scripture, leads you in prayers, lift you up with the Truth in your lowest moments, when in fact, you find yourself doing all these things which you expected from your other half?
Or the more severe cases…
When you find yourself packing up boxes at your office one fateful day….and despite months and months of fervent prayers, and countless job applications, there’s not even a single call for interview?
And you find myself asking God, “Have I not done enough?”, “Have I not prayed enough, sacrificed enough, imparted enough of His truth with the right words?”
Enough for Him to move that mountain out of the way?
I’m sure that’s the same thing running in Mary and Martha’s mind when their brother Lazarus laid dying and finally succumbed, “Have we not prayed enough, have we not enough faith, that the Lord has chose to come only now? When it all seems way too late?”
But He did came, and He conquered what seems to be the most impossible mountain of all…death.
Yes, He can…and He is still doing it, conquering our seemingly impossible mountains..but who are we to question when, where or how?
I remembered someone once told me, God is always punctual and His timing is every precise and perfect. Perhaps this mountain is not for Him to crumble or melt, but He wants us to scale this one, make our way to the top and proclaim His victory?
Each of us has our own mountains, our own journey of healing, regardless whether it’s a mountain to be melted or to be scaled, step by step.
Whether you’re broken in your own brokenness, or grieving for someone else’s , let us be reminded that the He, the one who wept at Lazarus’s tomb, also is also weeping with us.
Mary and Martha didn’t hide their brokenness, they fell at His feet, tormented by grief…and He doesn’t want us to hide either.
Can you imagine if they would say to themselves instead “It’s just too bad, life goes on, I guess I’ll just have to brave through this and move on.” And they put up a seemingly cheerful disposition and just tried to move on when they knew deep inside that they just can’t?
So today, let us allow Him to cradle our brokenness, our grief, our shattered dreams and hopes as we scale that difficult journey to the top. Let us unceasingly pray and get real with Him with our brokenness for He is always near, His hand is always within reach
“Lord, allow me today, to come before you broken, bankrupt, deprived…I surrender all my brokenness to You and trust You will heal, You will provide in Your own timing. Help me fix my eyes on You as I scale difficult mountains in my life- In Jesus’ Name, Amen”
